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by cynarae on June 6th, 2005

cynarae

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How do I deal with my boyfriend's 13 year old daughter being jealous of me, disrespecting me, etc? I really care for this man, but I just can't deal with her attitude.

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  • by Kelly Masters on June 15th, 2005

    Kelly Masters

    I'm sorry, it's not your place to deal with her attitude-that's her father's job and your confronting her about it will only make her resent you more. Be kind to her and let her know that you have no desire to replace her mother, only to be a friend to her & her father.

    Talk to your boyfriend about the situation, let him know what you are feeling and the way her attitude gets to you. Then step back and let him deal with his daughter. To put it simply, you are not her parent nor step-parent and have no right to punish the child. I'm not trying to be hateful to you, only trying to prevent you from making a mistake that could cost you the relationship with your boyfriend.

    Have him tell his daughter (if divorced) that the marriage to her mother is over and even if he breaks up with you, he will be dating other women and will eventually get married again. Give her time to accept this information-she will rebel against it at first-and to accept that you love her father. He should explain to her that he needs and deserves to be loved and have someone in his life who will treat him good, that his first priority is taking care of his daughter but that you are important to him as well.

    Try doing some "family" oriented activities-go to her favorite movie or restaurant together. Don't try to buy her love or force her to love you, just let it happen naturally. Include her in your dates with her father so that she will accept you and know that you aren't kicking her out of her father's life.

    I hope you can hear what I'm saying and know that I am not aiming to hurt you. I completely understand your situation, have been there myself (as a parent and as a girlfriend) and giving the best advice that is available to me. Good luck.

    Comments

    • Well stated, good advice. Remember too how much friction there is between teenage girls and Mothers. Any other adult woman is naturally gonna get some of that too. It's them coming into their own womanhood, feeling insecure, sexual or not, jealous, etc

      MyKinKStar

      by MyKinKStar on June 20th, 2006

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