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by revere on February 9th, 2005

revere

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This girl has said she has strong feelings for me, but she refuses to leave her boyfriend of 3 years. Is she just leading me on?

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  • by Too Much Time On My Hands on May 9th, 2005

    Too Much Time On My Hands

    This depends on the specifics of what she told you. It is possible to be in a long-term, committed relationship and have "strong feelings" for someone else. One might choose to tell one's friend about the strong feelings simply in the interest of maintaining the friendship, since hiding one's feelings from a good friend can lead to tension and discomfort. But "strong feelings" are not enough to end a relationship if the feelings one has for one's partner are even stronger. If she has been upfront about the fact that she's not prepared to leave her boyfriend, then she's not leading you on. If she's said or done things to give you the impression that you have a chance at a relationship with her, then she is leading you on and that's bad news.

    I was going to tell you a story to illustrate this, but then I remembered that I do actually post these answers under my own name and it's not fair to broadcast my relationship with another person over the Internet! Let's just say that I've had reason to ponder this question (from the girl's perspective) in the past. And these are the conclusions that I've come to.

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