What are the signs of controlling behavior?

I gotta say, I have been accused of being a controller for several years by my wife. Worse yet, she had me believing it. In fact, so much that I had cut my ties with my family and moved 65 miles away. She always led me to believe it was my choice. Recently, I convinced her to move back to my hometown as my father was very ill and I wanted to be nearby for that. 3 weeks ago he took a turn and we knew it was close, 2 weeks ago, she left me and took the kids to a womans shelter where I have had no contact whatsoever with my children, you see she wanted to move away again and I told her that I did not because the kids were happy close to there family. In fact, they were noticeably happier as my entire family had noted. My oldest son now 21 has set roots here and I simply do not want to leave and uproot again. She has attempted to portray me as an abuser, sexually, physically and mentally. Yet if you ask the children and I have asked my 21 yr old, he says I dont know what is wrong with her. You guys have been getting along great. That is true, I had no indication that this was going to happen, Now I have had to obtain an attorney, just to see my kids and fight an order or protection which, the attorney hopes to get thrown out of court in the next day or so. My wife has not only isolated me from my family, she has isolated herself from hers. even when I have tried on several occasions to get her to contact her mother she refuses. All because her mother said something to her a few years ago that made her angry. On halloween, my father passed on, god bless him. It took his death to pull me out of my belief that I was the problem. I have been told by countless people that I was not the problem but never believed it cause she told me I was. She never once made attempt to bring kids to grandpas funeral. How, cold. The man she had told she loved just a week and a half prior now was not worthy. well, my friends of past showed up in numbers. My support was astounding. Shortly after the funeral, I found myself laughing, I had not done that is so long. As we spent the evening together as a group, I began to see the light, I had been in the dark so very long, Now, I speak daily to my best childhood friend, he is so good for me and I feel so content. Even though I am suffering without my kids I am confident that next week at court I will get custody, I have several people going to speak with me and hope for the best. I guess what I am trying to say, is that you need to search in yourself, the controller has a unique way of convincing you that you are the problem and not them. So, beware. I however shall never trust again.